Entropy

There are nights when I just stare out of my window

I look forward to feeling something that would make me gasp

And there are lists of songs that try to help me make it

But the emptiness glares at me waiting to pounce any moment

Thoughts flow endless like the breeze that fills the darkness

There isn’t much I could say though I ache to declare 

Sleep is unwelcome in these lands of endless tales

Still there never is much to do other than look out impatiently

So I write words that would not mean much tomorrow

And when the first rays wash out everything that ever existed

I shall try and feel pleased with the results of the night

However I will be back soon enough to rant unendingly.

Just right.

People really don’t get the urgency involved in drinking a cup of coffee. Like all the great things in life a cup of coffee can only be enjoyed completely for a couple of minutes between the times when it’s too hot to drink and too cold and all you can do then is put it away.

Whenever I see those douche-y people in café’s sitting with their cappuccinos for hours together all I can think is: What is WRONG with them?!

I know your coffee sucks and I also know that you probably are pretending to read your PPTs that you would normally not even gaze at, but one thing is…you still manage to put up an effort! On the rare occasion that I actually go to a coffee shop, this is what I do… Find a seat, look the menu, place an order, drink my cappuccino and have a chocolate croissant, ask for the check, pay and leave; I finish all that in about 15 minutes max.

A coffee shop is the worst place to sit and have a conversation! How in the world are you supposed to enjoy your perfect temperature space if you also have to manage to look good, act busy and hold a totally unimportant conversation at the same time?!  A pub on the other hand… Yeah makes sense. Your beer is cold… your chips aren’t gonna change any time soon and well… you don’t have to talk much or have a lull in the conversation as there’s always music loud enough to drown your thoughts (and if you do burp the guy will probably not even hear you!)

I guess this is also the reason why I don’t get asked out as much as I used to. Damn me! 

Lyrics to a song that does not exist...

There was a time when I used to think

That this is not it and times will change

But now that everything is different

I look back and reach out to the past

Honey you’re the one I want to be around

When things are not so right

I want to know that things will be fine

And you will help me stand tall

All that is left now is a picture of us

And your eyes speak to me

Sparkling and flashing under a heavy mask

Saying words meant only for us.

 I wish I was sixteen again

Feeling the warmth of your hand in mine

As we strolled down the road

Leaving the world standing apart

                                                              

We fought them off with our laughter

I bet if you were here we could beat them again

But now all I can do is wait tolerantly

As they play their silly games

When the circus closes for the night

I will come and join you in my dreams

And we will live those days again

Letting our chains drop deprived of a clatter.

Sometimes nothing needs to be said...

There is something sublimely interesting in being stuck inside a house for twenty one days. Your friends forget you exist, your family starts to question your every decision and your lover is just happy that you are dependent on him or her.

Well I did have all that… I just decided to give it up and make something of myself.

The date was the twenty first of November, and it was quite ordinary, woke up at ten and had a bowl of cold milk and cornflakes, fed my cat and sat down to watch TV till my consciousness slipped past my very being and would be lost forever in the mystic unknown. I woke up from my comatose state sometime in the afternoon and I proceeded to make lunch.

TRING!

“Hey mom…”

“You’ve been sitting your ass at home for twenty days now… don’t you think you gotta find a job or something?!”

“Hmmm… yeah.”

“Why don’t you come back home? There’s this friend of mine who says you are perfect for this one job… something about clients abroad.”

“Hmmm…”

“Did you have something to eat? How’s purple?”

“She’s fine. She scratches.”

“Okay… I think you should come back home though… it isn’t healthy sitting at home like that for so long.”

“I don’t want to come back home. I’m busy I’ll talk to you later.”

*Click.

*sigh…

I don’t really know what made me do what I did at that point; as I picked up the phone and dialed his number I’m sure there was some part of my brain that was scorning and shaking its head in disapproval.

*ring ring...

“Hey… you wanna come over?”

“Give me twenty minutes.”

I looked around and the place was a mess. Guess I do have to clean it up a bit.

My boyfriend was at work anyway… it’s been five very long days; what he doesn’t know shall not hurt him right?

Not a word had to be said when he was standing there in front of my door and walked in as he had done about twenty times before. I had reached my limit and I needed someone to cure me.

Maybe you need to know something about him… he was 6’2’’, married, well built, broad chested and had the cutest smile…

There was a lot of pushing and pulling that day. I had to use all of my stagnant energy somehow.

Later that evening we sat on the terrace lighting a smoke it was nearly time for him to leave. He held my hand for a minute in between smokes and not a word was said for a while. It was alright though… nothing really mattered when we were together.

“Do you want to take a trip?” This was the first time he suggested us doing anything that did not involve four walls and that was all I needed to let everything I held dear go.

He just kept looking at me… no expression on his face.

I went down to pack my bag. 

A 'Where is my life going?' rant.

If I am who I think I am then why is every version of me so twisted?

I cannot help but see the wrong in me no matter which side I turn. Yesterday night in a dream I watched myself burn while my mother stood outside screaming out my name, there was nothing I could do to stop me from dying though I knew it was all in my head and I woke up this morning trying to find something to do other than stare at an empty screen searching for words that do not belong, there must something more to my life than this hollowness.

As I write I can feel every word trying to search for answers to questions that do not exist while my own consciousness awakes without a sound to reach for an incontestable solution to this madness. Maybe I am doomed to survive by the hour without any plans for the next but what would be a blessing to most turns out to be a disease without any cure for me. Do most people have set paraphernalia to deal with situations that involve acute boredom and redundancy? I do not know.

Maybe I can use this time to figure my life out... but then again what do I fight for? 

Some fight for peace, some for their beliefs while others, mostly mediocre, fight for approval. What is my cause?

I need a walk. The park is just a street away from my place. I’ve passed by it a few times never really been into the place. Maybe I will make the odd exception today.

Day 14- 5 Things you would change about the Beatles

1. More songs by George.


2. John, George and Brian lived longer.


3. No Yoko Ono in studio.


4. No breaking up.


5. The following picture never happened :

Day 13- Your least favorite Beatles song

Every choice we make has a consequence and the gravity of the consequence increases with how many people your choices can affect.

The Beatles were more than just a band; they were a philosophy and a way of life for many. Their music, their thoughts and ideas affected people from all over the world. Artists, musicians, philosophers, writers and murderers...

If I have to think of one song that evokes only a sense of dread and evil in me it has to be 'Helter Skelter'. I'm sure Charles Manson would agree. It is positively one of the most dreadful songs ever!

The responsibility was a heavy weight upon the shoulders of four young men, not that they were unaware of it; but one very intense creation resulted in the loss of precious lives...

Helter Skelter.